it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
