Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
