my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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