maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
