Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
