I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
