I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize