sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize