Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
