i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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