You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
