she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
