the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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