Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
