even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
