it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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