their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
