I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
