I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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