Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
