well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
