so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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