Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
