Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
