Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
