last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
