i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
