i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
