dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
