You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
