On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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