So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's shark week go big or go home
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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