So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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