He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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