ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
