we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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