1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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