he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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