so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
