u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
