Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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