Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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