she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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