I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She said her name was "party"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
