there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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