He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
