My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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