At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
