I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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