I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
