I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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