Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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