you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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