It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he told me I talked like a deaf person
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
