I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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