I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize