PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
