I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
smell my finger.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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