I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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