They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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