omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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