And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
