U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
