Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We had sex on a dog bed..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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