She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
