Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
