Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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