I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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