Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
