I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
