You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
