my phone needs a breathalizer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
