today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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