We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
