Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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